É isto?...

Is this what I'll be when you're not around?... Will this be the general feeling?... Why?... Why do I miss you, why did I fall for you?
I won't admit it this time, the last one was bad enough... I got it, I'm a nothing, I'm insignificant... I even feel you find me something of dissmisable.
The last times just come into my mind and the feeling loops in my head: I'm a nothing, I'm not good material, I'm not worthy. In the end I only light up the ones that I have no special feelings for...
Am I pathetic or what?... I'm a excuse of a person... what can you say about a 23 year old girl who wakes in love over morning, dreams, helps, listens, worries... but isn't capable of living and wants to kill herself at night?
No, it isn't just 'cause of a boy, not even 'cause of four boys... it isn't 'cause of a job... in the end... I'm just damaged goods.
And they only get their chance in "haply ever after stories", not in real life.
I will stop feeling this for you, I will continue to fight and to search, and to listen and to help... I will continue living my life through others, dreaming.
'Cause today, I'm here... but I don't think I will be "tomorow".

Ser...

Sou a que vai,
De cara fechada,
De olhos rasos de lágrimas.

Sou a que imagina mil planos
Mas não executa nem um.

Sou a semente que criou raíz,
Mas não floresceu.

Não sou.