Timeline

Was a long and dark December
Through the rooftops I remember
There was snow
White snow

I do not know how this post will turn out.

I do not know what you'll think of it.

I only know that, since yesterday, as I stood still in that bus stop... my mind wondered off, yet again.

It still amazes me how time can mean nothing. How it can play tricks inside your head. How you can wish (six? two? twenty-three?) years never passed, how four months feel like they belong to someone else, how two months are the embodyment of a lifetime, of something so truthful and so sure...

Since yesterday, below that warm sun, I'm wondering.

Wondering... just wondeirng.

Praying and asking that the only tears coming out of these eyes are tears of joy.

'Cause joy is what I am feeling right now, all I'm intitled to feel right now.

But... I blame my endless ability of thinking. And I say no more.

Am I paranoid? Am I only missing you? Am I caught in a vicious circle?

No, I'm just affraid. Whishing this, as it has been presented to me, never ends.

But that's not a bad thing. I learnt today that being affraid can be a good thing. Fear is one of the results of me kissing my inhercia goodbye. Fear is me living.

So I'll do like you guys tell me to, 'cause I trust you and you're a part of me and I know you'll never hurt me willingly... I'll open the door of my closet and dare them out.

'Cause life is not made of days, months marked on a calender... life is made out of moments, symbols, wills, songs.

Days like today happen because I'm too used to being like this. And as one says... this is not me, this is a defence mechanism.

One of my battles, amongst my War... is realising that, too.

Today you realize that you aren't willing to do things the same way anymore. You are finally ready for the big change, but you may not be able to communicate your epiphany to anyone else. It's not that you aren't clear about your revelation; it's just that you don't want to shock others with your unorthodox disclosure. Don't stress about what you haven't yet said; it will all come out when the time is right.

Kindda right, yet again.