10 September, 2009

And all men kill the thing they love,
By all let this be heard,
Some do it with a bitter look,
Some with a flattering word,
The coward does it with a kiss,
The brave man with a sword!

The Ballad Of Reading Gaol, Oscar Wilde

I must admit I was amazed the firt time I saw someone act like this, with no regards and little regrets. For some time I wondered, for some time I tried to find excuses for such behavior, understand as I always try to do, regardless the consequences.

Then came sadness, anger, rage. Then came a book. Handed down by one person I couldn't care more about. And, by the light of love, past and reason, these final words stood still.

Yesterday, in the middle of love and spoilling, in the middle of smiles and blushing. I've realised it. However the day ends, wether you are coward or brave I know that I've healed. All the remaining feelings come from the fact that I'm (only) human. Fighting but not claming to be the greatest warrior. Nor advertising one's power. Simply a fighter, a soldier - all things implied.

As I've survived, everything, the biggest fears and questions. And I'm closer. As I may stop, dubt, cry. But I do that without hiding, faking or illuding.

May this trully be a new dawn, a begining of a great year ahead.

2 thoughts unleashed:

Eva Gonçalves said...

Lucky you... Though I know the very same facts to be true, I am still fighting to survive and as I am not much of a warrior, I also know I am far from beeing healed...
May you take advantage of this new dawn... and never, EVER forget, the lessons learned! :)
Love the way you write Izzie.

Maxwell said...

There IS indeed a logic to it. And yet, even though I can see most of it, still makes me angry, sad, betraied. Outside: completely healed, some haven't even realised, on the inside? Ccrushed still; a hard struggle to breath, de Dawn of a new life.

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