09 February, 2009

- This will be a long post! -

So much to say, in so little time - and such a confused mind!
Now that I've got you reading, that means you have accepted the challenge. Good luck and Godspeed! ;)

6 days... I haven't been around for 6 days now. It looks/feels like an eternity, I have to get back on track with all of you... and seeing some of you asking for me or still dropping by, even with a "sleeping beauty" of a blog, makes me such a happy girl!

But this last week amazed me. It is amazing how life changes in 7 days.
Yet again my life took another two steps back... I wonder if in order to march fowards? Filling my shoes is now a person I adore... I wonder if she knows she owes me the chance (I just wish she has the balls to "grab" it...)? I wonder what she hears inside those walls?...

I've conquered fears, I've met my match, I've felt (and lived) how a dream can come true.
The sun shined just for us... and throughout an entire day. And the question lingers... Why am I so lucky?...
And call it what you may... but not even for one second did it feel like it was the first time I layed my eyes on you. ('Cause maybe it wasn't, I know, I know...)

But then... seeing you, reading you, hearing you... you know. You'll be... as I'm in every words of yours. No matter what you say. No matter what you (we) try to do. I've felt it deeper than ever, I've felt it more alive. I felt you. I'm just glad you're back. And I'm just sorry that...

Then... I'm back to feeling lucky! Happy that I have people who love me. Who accept my love. Who accept me as a part of their path. To whom I owe part of me, this me who survived. The better and more real me.
I'm glad I have people around me who want and like to see me shine. People I have to thank to and for. People who make me believe and make me want to be me.
My masks are slowly dropping, falling to the grownd of this play that has been my life... I no longer feel the need to conceal, to mascarade... at least not to everyone.
Now I know I can be truthful... I can be me outside.

It was great to know, to read that I was missed, that my (dark) little corner, that my innocent, pathetic little me has found its way around here. I trully am this page, and it has trully become me.
What began as a shalow way to be noticed turned into the place where I found myself, my light, my life, my courage, my love, my strenght.
You, 16, and anyone else who crossed my path... can't believe what you've done for me. *good sigh*

And for the first time in years, in almost 6 years... I've come to accept, I found my peace. I've lost and now I've found my ways to cope with it. Questions linger. I do not know everything about anything. I wish I did. But I don't. And now? I can live with it. I'm able to fall asleep in the dark without fearing myself - 'cause that was what was happening.

Bottom line... I'm here. I'm back! Incoherent as always! =)

7 thoughts unleashed:

João said...

Glad you're back, and with such strength and know-how to live :) Hope you can keep it up, because it's great when we get there, isn't it?

Good luck, and stay cool just that way you are now ;)

jb said...

beautiful izzie......transformation, by maybe looking back to go forward is healthy. Don't fear what's ahead, embrace it, hold it and go for it. Remember that your not alone and you where missed at least by me. I hope this gives you a sense of connecton to what your doing and where your going.


Salto-Alto said...

That's exactly the way we love you! ;p

izzie said...

João: thanks... that coming from a fellow thinker means a lot!.. I'll try to live up to all your hopes :)

Jb: aww honey! Thanks for everything... you make it worthwile.
Transformation! There's the key word!

Salto: Oh thank you Milady! =D

aldasilva said...


You know what I mean. :)

Fatucha said...

Good luck in your new yourself, let it be for keeps, that was good to have all of this introspection on yourself to see how you did change and in fact life should be embraced and not taken with fear, that is a good truth!! welcome back girl xxx

izzie said...

Alda: I do know! :)
Obrigada por te lembrares aqui do meu cantinho!

Fatucha: You know what your words mean to me... you've been through it all with me.
I'm just grateful your part of this and I have you as a friend.

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