13 November, 2008

I hate it when I feel you so distant... I want you to see, see me, get what I'm willing to do for you... be (more of) a friend, be more than a friend. But you close down and go "away". How can I reach you?

I hate it when people make more of me than I really am. I hate it when they try to push my dreams into reality, all encouraging. For what?... To see them break into pieces?.. I've seen that oh so many times, I already know how it will turn out, every step of the vicious cicle. I don't want to go down that lane... I really don't! For once, can't I have a break like everyone else?... Can't I escape it?

I hate it that everything and some people are connect to all of you. I hate my memories and the ability to remember. I hate not having you, I hate having believed in you, I hate that I oppened my hear to you, I hete not living up to what you want, I hate that you don't see me.

I hate that once more I allowed the dream, the illusion, the idea get over me and now you're the most of my day, my mood regulator, that one that teaches me and endolges me... you'll only leave more memories behind.

I hate that all of you only see (or want to see?) my masks, my personna... I hate that you demand a new show everyday. I've turn into a street preformer who no longer has to fight for that special spot on the busy street... 'cause it's turning out to be worthless.

Most of all, I want to help you, I want you. I want to help me, I want to find myself, drop the masks, be seen and not only looked at.

I'm not asking to be patronized, I'm asking for something I don't know yet. I'm asking, I'm hoping, I'm eager to stop hating.

I'm sorry I can't be (or do) better.

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