01 December, 2008

I really, really, really have to thank you all that came my way and asked, offered help, tried to push me into living (again).
I do, I know I do.
If there is something I'm good at is thanking... and no, I'm not an american going through the "apecial weekend". I'm a thank-full person, not ashamed of admiring others.
And I also know it is strange to hear such a "young" girl talking about de-motivation, about addiction, about passion in such an awful tone. But this is just the result of a (very) rough couple (or more) of years.
One would think that 29th June 2007 would work as a catharsis for me... but no. It came into my life as the opening of the door to my darkest side.
No... don't blame unemployment, or death, or the ignorance of a simple guy. Blame it on me. I know you hate it when I say this but...
I. Am. Just. Not. Whorty.
And that feeling seems to have been growing inside me.
Well I'm still around 'cause I'm a hopeless "romantic" (not on the romance side of the word) that keeps on waiting for her time to shine to come. I'm still around 'cause I'm a coward, 'cause I don't admit failling towards others. But the truth is... that my dreams are (almost) dead.

I'm trying, I'll keep on trying... but my strenght just isn't the same. I just ask God - although you can say he doesn't exist - that you'll still be around for me. I can't stand being alone.

I miss you... but most of all, I miss me. I miss being able to fight it off.

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