11 December, 2008

Life changed a few days ago. For real now. And again the worst happened and again my fears came to life. I can't blame her, I can't blame you and I can't even blame me. It happened that way... Cupid missed me again and now I have to hurt, seeing you and having her as a helping hand. Could life be more ironic, or sadist? I really don't think so.
I too thought you were it. The one capable of seeing further but no... that didin't happen. Now I'm the one stuck here watching things I did not ask to witness. I know I lied to you and I'll loose you for good the day you get it (again)... but if wanting has a part in this... I'll have my escape window soon and then?... I'll loose my fear and outspeak it all.
Now I crossed into the "forbidden" zone and no longer have a chance... you could look around, see me... but no! You didn't even denied it or tried to polite it off... not even for the sake of our friendship. I got to see that I'm a nothing to you... you were using me... and I was stupid enough to think that it could mean something else. Why should it? You didn't even do things or went places 'cause I was there or asked you or would be happy of having you there... you did it as a way to score some points and get somewhere (or was it someone?) else. Am I that insignificant? So unwhorty?
They say "o pior cego é o que não quer ver" and we're the poster couple for it. Sadly not for each other. What I know for good is that, because of you I'm not the same and I won't be for a while... I'll have to change my safe places, erase all of the things that connected me to you and watch my mouth... 'cause even an innocent friend got on the way...
Hopefully I'll get stronger with the passing of the days and this fase will be just that... a fase... and I won't be forced to watch the "House of Horrors" forever... she's happy, you're calmer... I'm (just) here, 'cause I'm not good for anything else.



Já na viagem de volta senti que esta música ia ditar o meu futuro... e ainda não tinha falado contigo. E claro... a força, a calma e a unicidade da água tinham que estar presentes. Porque lá... por muito que não o vejas, não sou diferente. Sou eu... sou quem não vês e não queres.

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