07 January, 2009

Today, after reading some words written by a friend of mine - somewhere by the time "this" all began - I started thinking: do I have an impact on anybody?
I mean... not that I want to rule the world or change it. I don't. But why do I always feel like my impact on others is rather small? I feel like the harder I try, the least time I get to be on one's life.
It is like... others afect me (in a positive way) more than I get to do with them. I keep people in my memory for so long, I cherish them so much, only to find out later, that my significance has passed, that they don't do or feel the same. This thought keeps on "looping": if I died today, who, besides the obliged, was going to miss me? Would I linger in someone's memory?
I do know I belong to a few... but I feel like the circle is getting smaller and, for now?, I just lost my drive. My will to fight or motivate myself to look further. To accept.
This "belonging" feeling is important to me... rather shallow, but important. Because, the way I see it, I need you, my keepers, to talk about me. Tell me what I am. I need you, with your truthful eyes, to be my mirror, to reflect me.
Because only you, some of you, know me... sometimes better than I ever thought possible, therefore.. in you I trust... and you know it.

2 thoughts unleashed:

katieleigh said...

I feel like this a lot in life. I've lost friends countless times, not because they don't like me. But because they don't like me as much as I like them. I've scared a few people off by trying to mean more to them. What is friendship, if it is not a committment between two people.

I don't take it lightly, and now, I have slim to none friendships that I truly believe in.

I'm happier for it, even if it is depressing in itself. I'm happier knowing that I will never give everything to someone who is going to take my worth and stomp all over it.

I hope things look up for you soon.
Stay positive. You will always mean more than what you realise, to someone, somewhere out there

Fatucha said...

Expressaste lindamente melhor do que eu. Posso te garantir que eu sinto mmo q tu mtas vezes, tendemos a dar mta importancia ao nosso valor como pessoas e amigas que somos e questionamo-nos se realmente seremos correspondidas da mma forma, oh amiga se sei o q flas...e de ti, acredita o q mais me custa é não te conhecer pessoalmente, pq tens em mim uma amiga para vida fora.

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